Saturday 14 September 2013

Self Respect and Suicide

I decided to brig this up because of some recent events .
This girl on twitter trended for awhile because of her sending a nude top half picture if herself to her boyfriend .
So apparently she two timed him and because he was angry the picture got leaked onto the net.
First of all , girls :
It should be instilled in your common sense to never send nude pictures , don't even take any , really .

It might feel good at that moment of time where by the guy would ogle at your body because of his raging hormones but , having to feel good about yourself at the cost of your own self respect , is it really worth it ?

I feel for that girl , it is her fault for being stupid and unfaithful but at that age when you're going through puberty and you're trying to grow up and be an adult , you would tend to do things that you shouldn't have done , the adolescent brain has yet to develop and that might be one of the reasons why she is not matured enough to think for herself yet .

That guy who posted it up : I hope you feel good taking revenge . How would you feel if she couldn't take it and committed suicide because of shame , would it satisfy your hatred and sadness or whatever you were feeling when you posted the picture up on the net ?

Moving on to suicide ..

It's a crime to do this in Singapore .

Coming from a person suffering from depression , I have always felt like shit whenever someone says that when a person threatens or say that they want to commit suicide , they are just seeking attention .
Yep , they are . But is it all negative attention ?
It might be a cry for help ; to have a person's life to be pushed to the limit whereby they don't even want to live anymore , there must be something that makes them feel that way , nobody in the right mind would just want to die so badly for no reason right ?

For me I am a common case , typical girl who gets hurt by a relationship and wants to end her life because she feels that nobody loves her .
There's this one time one of my bestfriends was quarreling with her boyfriend and it was so bad that she climbed over the railing and wanted to jump down from the 8th floor , luckily that guy pulled her off and she didn't .
He thought that she was doing it just to seek attention and make him feel bad just so they wouldn't fight anymore , that wasn't anywhere near how she felt . She was feeling so hurt she couldn't get her mind straight that she wanted to jump . I would have never blamed her for feeling that way . It is very common for girls to be too overwhelmed by emotions and do things on impulse according to how we feel.

When I was suffering from depression, it was hell for the first 5 years. I had no confidence in myself because of what my mother constantly said to me , that I'm ugly, stupid, I should just die, I don't deserve to live and she regretted giving birth to me . Up till now she still says that from time to time . I used to cover my face with my fringe because I thought that nobody should see my face . I got hurt by guys whom I felt alot for , they always say this "I won't be like that other guy who hurt you " and then they do . LOLOLOLOL so usually I had nobody to turn to except my boyfriend or my friends .

So anyway ,
I used to self-mutilate because I was sad and angry at myself and many times I wanted to commit suicide because I was hurt by my mum and things that people do to me. I have got to say that I grew out of it after awhile because I kept praying to God and I have some wonderful friends that helped me cope with myself .

Committing suicide to let go of yourself when you're miserable is a way of escaping your life , I feel for those who have died because of the agony they were living in ,  I know a few who had passed on miserably .

For people who made someone feel so bad about themselves that they want to escape their lives because they hate it so much , I hope you feel at least a sense of guilt because you contributed to the reason why they chose to die instead of looking forward to the many happy things that life could bring them and make them treasure it more .
A cry for help is never attention seeking , stop saying that . You'll never know what that person is actually feeling inside or what he/she is thinking of .

For those who use suicide as an excuse to get out of shit , fuck you , stop it . You're making people not believe in other people who really feel that way , it works like " the boy who cried wolf"

And for those who are living in despair , don't give up . You'll never know what life would bring when you live on , there are possibilities of your life getting better , don't eliminate them . Find people who you can talk to , people who would understand , people who can council and guide you through because after a storm there would be a rainbow . Don't give up . There's always somebody who loves you , you may not know it but there are .

Note for Ahting : I hope you're better now , I don't know you , I won't judge you . But I really hope that this is a lesson for you , have more self respect for yourself and learn how to protect yourself .
Don't make it cheap for guys if you want them to treat you like a lady . All the best . (;

Sunday 1 September 2013

All about Tr-US-t

Trust is a word so simple to give a meaning to but really hard to carry out .
Have you ever doubted someone you should give your trust to ?
Especially when it comes to close friends/relationship , it's really easy to say "I trust you" but at the back of your mind there would definitely be a voice saying "I don't think so ....." despite all the assurance that the other party has given you .

I never had an issue with trusting somebody , if someone asks for it , I would gladly give it to them . But you have to know , that this thing you give out is like a piece of glass , once that person breaks it , even if you mend it back and give it to them once again , it's never gonna be the same , it's gonna be weaker and weaker until there's nothing left to fix .

Sometimes I do wish that life is gonna be easy but with the cunning society , there's a person in every corner that's gonna try to take you down with this .
I've heard too many "hey man , trust me" to not doubt that it might be a facade .
Another typical way of proving that this is real is the amount of backstabbing among "friends" especially in secondary school .
It scares me at that point of time because I took me awhile to realize that hypocrites are everywhere and it was so hard not to hear people gossip about each other , or hear your friends tell on your other friends what they said behind your back.

Especially girls .

Some girls were kinda scary with their sharp tongues whenever they are offended even by the slightest things and they never run out of something to say .
This was the main reason why I chose to stay at home to study and game like 1/3 of my time in my secondary school life . The rest of the time were spent in school and my CCA: military band .

Anyway to get back to the topic , I find it hard to refuse when I have to trust my boyfriend
although I will always have doubts but , what else can I do but to trust him ?

It's hard to see the effort you put in being wasted and flushed down the toilet when you find out that he lied / cheated and it would really hurt a lot and you really wished that you trusted him fully and didn't have itchy fingers and poked yourself into things that you would never want to find out because it hurts to see things like that , and that 10 minutes ago you were so happy and now you're just crushed . But after all of that you only could just trust him and wait for any form of explanation because you're looking for something that you could hold on to even if it's not real , just because you can't bear to lose him/her .

That's the problem with being human , we trust and love too much ,
It's the way of life in a sense .
Everybody just wants to be happy or tries their best not to be sad .
We all want to me loved , and we love the people who loves us .
Trust is always going to be a problem in human-human relationships , be it friends , family and lovers .
It is something so easily broken but we give it to people so easily that it might lose it's meaning and purpose .
The more you believe , the more it hurts when it's broken .
To keep it going requires a huge doze of honesty , forgiveness and compromising .
And to those who doesn't trust anyone easily , please teach me the way master (;

To end this off on a happier note , we should believe in us because we put the "us" in "trust" .
I hope I don't make anyone feel bad about this post , it's just Luna ranting out how she feels about every thing deep inside (;
Aaaaanndddd it's time for the *Boop!